Character Over Feeling Good

I was having coffee at the usual place today while reading a book and being convicted of my selfishness (Respectable Sins by Jerry Bridges). It is amazing to me that I can afford a "specialty Coffee" that puts me in the company of the riches people in the world and I just assume that it is normal, after all 2.4 billion people on this spinning globe make less than $1000 bucks a year.

Anyhow, as I was drinking my Americano and listening to my ipod, I noticed a weathered, bearded, rain-soaked man wearing an old wool trench coat pushing a shopping cart. I could see that He was carrying a used coffee container as he came in to the coffee shop (CS) for some hot water. As this 30 something man left the CS I felt compelled to offer him a coffee or something--so I did... only to be turned down.

I was convinced that God's spirit was moving me to stop listening to worship music and live out my worship, to get off my warmed up chair and step out into the cold rain-filled air in obedience to Jesus and offer a could cup of water (Hot Coffee) in His name. I responded to Christ only to be turned down.

I was shocked...how could someone turn down cup of specialty coffee...God why would you ask me to do this only to have this 'needy' guy refuse.

As I made my way back into the CS hoping that nobody witnessed this interaction, I was bewildered, confused and felt rejected. Why would God ask me to do something for His name and then allow me to be rejected? Maybe I didn't hear God right.

Remember I was reading about selfishness and God. His infinite grace was revealing to me how deep rooted my selfishness went. It had been my desire to help this individual so that I might feel good, that I might a have sense of meeting a need, I was the center, it was about me and feeling good, rather than just the pure joy of knowing that I had been obedient to God's call to offer a cold cup of water (hot coffee). I made it about me and God was gently reminded my that the opportunity was all about him.

How deep-rooted my selfishness lies, it is never dormant but I am thankful for God's Holy Spirit that reveals to me where I fall short of His glory.